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| Steal Your Pain Away by wentzizzlesizzle http://wentzizzlesizzle.deviantart.com/art/Steal-Your-Pain-Away-169468261 |
During the day's visits to the shelter and the hospital, I felt a sense of Christmas again. Not the usual Christmas symbols of presents and warm family gatherings, but that of the difficulties Mary faced as a woman. As a single woman in a patriachal land, Mary was already with child before marriage. The father of the child was later introduced to her. Then there was a need to travel during her pregnancy, culminating with her giving birth in a lowly place, not usually fit for human habitation. And later on, she would have to face separation and experiences of this child of hers that is unlike any other child.
These challenges, and other more challenging circumstances, have to be faced by an ordinary single mother - let's call her Alina. She's poor, afraid, ashamed, and feeling very broken over the fate life dealt her. This was unplanned. Alina had hoped to work to make a living, and instead, she has been attacked, molested, and now, pregnant with a child that she can't explain for. She has not added anything to her name except being a mother to a child which she does not want to care for. Alina has not added any fortune for her own gain, except a loss of face, and a heavy burden of shame and misplaced guilt.
A few weeks back, I was invited to attend a talk by an NGO on how to address the troubles relating to persons like Alina. While I was not able to attend, I managed to get my hands on one of the hand-outs. Sadly, the issues addressed by the NGO were mostly about the symptoms. In my limited experience, I felt that there was a core issue which seemed to be above everyone's grasp, which was how to pre-empt the drive that persons like Alina face, which lead to their taking risks in foreign lands in uncertain or outright illegal situations. Quite simply, rather than working out detailed technical solutions, I would like to point to the quality of the attempts taken so far. Quite simply, I would say the core problem is about taking responsibility in one, big, way.
Alina took the decision to be an illegal migrant worker mainly to improve her standard of living. She is not living on Java Island, which already puts her at a disadvantage. To improve the economic conditions of a geographical location away from Jakarta, needs a form of responsibility taking which is very risky, I would say. It's about improving one hundred and one things simultaneously, and ensuring that those improvements really do stick in order to let their positive effects trickle down to the people.
The problem is that these one hundred and one things are probably not easily identifiable, and are probably already supposedly handled by a clutch, if not as many departments, committees, grassroots leaders, as there are problems and solutions. And at the end of the day, in giving out such responsibility in piecemeal fashion, eventually no one takes charge of the problem, the overall negative effect that is supposed to be eliminated. It's as if everyone knows that there is an elephant which they want to get rid off from the room they are in, but with so many other people in the room assigned to different parts of the elephant, everybody ends up assuming that someone else holds the key to finally getting rid of the elephant. What is really needed is someone to take charge and organize everybody (as well as facing the consequences of telling people what they can or cannot do) so that the one objective is finally achieved.
Simply said, without sweating the details, I would say that there is a lack of effective direction, and control, that focuses on the person in need. Everyone can name the problem in general. But no one wants to be responsible, in this one, big, way - no one wants to sacrifice their time and efforts for returns and recognition which might not come their way. No one wants to make sacrifices in such difficult times, as the media tells us daily. No one wants to be the one to take on this responsibility which carries no fame, no gain, not even a guarantee that one can walk away from it peacefully.
But are those really all the choices and scenarios we have at hand, in such a situation?
Sometimes, our horizons are very much narrower than they could have been, had we been looking for solutions which involved other people. Very often, we tend to try to solve problems on our own. It's a hassle working with others, and not everyone is strong enough to let others know that they are weak because they had to call for help. We often don't want to admit that we want to have someone on our side, to share in our problems. But that is what makes a difference. And having one more person accompanying us during our troubles does make a difference. Horizons open up a little larger, the troubles seem lighter, and the possibility of success seems to grow larger.
While such ideas are seemingly lofty and romantic, the stuff of movies and dramas, nevertheless we do encounter them in our lifetimes. It's just that we can never trust that it would happen again, because essentially, we had to trust another person with our deepest fears, our most vulnerable parts. But you never know until you've tried - and it's always different every time. If today I accompanied a person in need with tenderness and compassion, I am quite sure that my own life too will be changed. I've gotten to know someone, and I'm helping that someone to be better.
And there lies a reflection of the difficulties of helping someone else - there is a gnawing feeling that we should not ourselves be shortchanged, be taken advantage of, be a fall guy to an elaborate emotional scam. All I can say is, so what if that happens? Does my world come crashing around my ears? Am I scarred for the rest of my life? Or is there instead a growing awareness of the depths of brokenness out there in the world - and that makes me more grateful for all the little miracles of my life? You might wonder, but I think I will give it a try. I choose, not because I see something I want, but because I see something someone needs. I choose life, and life, in a way, chooses me in return – for all I am, warts and all, hero and villain, strong and weak. It’s about the choice made – it’s never about the profit or loss.
